Sunday, 19 September 2010

WHY I'M HERE

Right before anybody reads this it may sound a bit Emo or slightly overdramatic, if it does you’re entitled to your opinion and you may even be right. I have been working on this post for a couple of days trying to put into words my reasoning for blogging. To me at least it’s clear now, so read if ya want, and remember the heart of it is about me and no one else
So here I am blogging away, and for the first proper blog post and thought it would be a good place to start by explaining my idea of setting this page up. I was fine and happy to share my expressions through Facebook posts, but then something changed.
I hurt a friend through some poorly placed words in the real world, which resulted in a FB deletion from two people that without realising, have in one way or another have or had been very important to me. When we do something nihlistic and destructive it makes us take a step back from the better self and deny the interior of ourselves, this becomes the exterior.
Along the way, in one cold and frosty day I lost more than just on- line friends, I also told the tale to others; what I had said. I had phones and doors slammed in my general direction. In one day, old to new friends were out of my life.
Someone had said; they knew how I felt about them. The reality was I was so confused about how I felt and where my loyalties lay.
Another person had said that I knew exactly what I was doing and enjoyed breaking and scratching things.  That’s the underlining point, when something good happens in my life; I go out of my way to destroy it. Funny thing is maybe I am just a fuck up, who in turn likes to fuck things up because that’s what I feel I deserve.
I had no one to talk too and if did, I didn’t want to talk. I tried to express my feelings on FB, for the first time I was aware I was limited by Facebook because whatever I wrote could be read with the wrong impressions given or taken. So I chose to sit in silence and began to understand how much I appreciated expressing myself through my status updates, comical or otherwise. 

A month passed and I accepted my shortcomings in all their glory, and was left with a simple decision. This was, to make a place for myself to express my feelings on whatever I see fit. Rather than deleting people, or creating list's that limited people’s interaction with my facebook account. I made a Blog choice. So here I am blogging away with a degree of freedom, different from what I have known before.

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